I'm not sure where to begin or what to say...
I've never considered myself a model,
even though I've done a few photo shoots
and got published once.
Like most women today, I've battled with my weight and self image.
I'm not obese, but I carry a few extra pounds.
My body has been ridiculed by some, and praised by others.
The media and fashion, at least in my lifetime,
doesn't support people my size... they support "skinny."
Now, I'm not knocking "skinny" girls...
some of them have tried to put on weight but can't.
And for some of them "skinny" is their natural and healthy body.
But for the vast majority of us that aren't "skinny,"
it's an unhealthy (mentally and sometimes physically) goal to try to attain.

So, in viewing my morning media, when this popped up,
(http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/just-dreaming/articleglamour.aspx?cp-documentid=21997158>1=32002)
you can imagine my surprise and elation.
Media.... supporting ALL body types.
The world is changing.... finally... and thankfully.

I am now the world's best thumb twiddler!

right, so... 4 hours spent in the emergency room last night with Chris,
which, in all honesty isn't that bad.
It could have taken a LOT longer.
luckily, we have a heart hospital relatively nearby...
and thus, the emergency room deals mostly with heart issues,
which is what we think (or have been lead to believe) might be the problem.

The kicker is that Chris was upstairs at the SAME place yesterday morning
for a normal visit with his heart doc... where they drew blood for testing.
so, downstairs, for an emergency the same night... more blood drawn...
plus a CT scan... and LOTS of explaining and reiterating history.

and, of course, we went home last night...
with a "be sure to follow up with your doctor."
same bat time, same bat channel.

*shrugs* at least they did more tests and ruled a few things out.
course... now I'm exhausted and have a ton of work to do. :)

there is something amusing, exciting, and baffling
about a friend wanting to use you as a weight.
more specifically, this... http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=PxQEg2vbTj0

course, this won't be a walk in the park for me either...
I have to keep my body tight
and balanced,
and support my entire body weight on my arms.
I'm excited... amused... and nervous all at the same time.

and, no, this is not being taken lightly.
there will be lots of talking about how to keep both of us safe,
so we don't accidentally hurt each other.
safety is number one.

amused.... excited....

so late Friday night, I had to have Popeye put to sleep.
16 years.... over half of my life... he's been with me.
I knew this day would come,
but I thought I had a few more years.
Snowflake lived until she was 20...
I thought Popeye would make it til he was at least 18.

after 16 years, it's hard to un-train yourself...
no more lap motor every evening after work;
no more head-butts for kisses;
no more snuggles and lovin's.
even the one year I've been in this house,
no more seeing him paws pressed to the glass wanting out of his room each morning.
he's not laying in front of my monitor as I write this...

it's weird...
I hear something in the house and look up expecting him to be the cause of the noise,
but he's not there.
I can still hear him meowing for me to come pet him at times.

some moments are better than others....
sometimes I can talk about it just fine,
and sometimes I can't.
this whole weekend and experience has been surreal... and very depressing.
so if I am not myself for a while, this is why.

semi-update:

July - busy as hell!
got engaged July 1st;
went home for July 4th to see parents new house and share the news (and just visit);
went to Tulsa for Cam and visiting friends the 2nd weekend;
went to Phoenix for a Cam convention the 3rd weekend;
started the 4th weekend by having an unpleasant adventure to the quack shack;
went to Dallas for my cousin's wedding the 4th weekend.

Aug - not as busy as July, but still very busy!
went home to be IN my little cousin's wedding the 1st weekend;
took the cat to the vet during the week,
and for 10 days had the adventure of force feeding him antibiotics morning and night.
started the 2nd weekend by going to a REAL doctor, which was pleasant;
went to Tulsa the second weekend;
had a migraine on Friday and luckily had good drugs to help eradicate it;
finally had a weekend at home this past weekend,
in which we went to a minor league baseball game for Chris's company's picnic.
took the cat BACK to the vet last night,
wherein he got a thermometer shoved up his butt and then received a shot.
now, I get to start another 10 days of force feeding him a different antibiotic.

in the midst of all this,
I've been trying to get a credit card...
which no one will give me because I have no credit.
so I finally went to my bank and got a secured credit card.
once I earn a little credit, I'll be able to get a better credit card.

I'm, as always, trying to do good things for the Cam...
and, as always, have managed to get myself over-involved.

on the plus side, I've been eating healthy
AND working out more.
tonight I start on a really awesome kettle-bell routine.
I'm excited!

in the odd event that any of you happen to have my permanent address/phone number,
they are no longer valid as of today.

IE, my parents are moved out of the house as of today
and are successfully into their new home.

MY address and phone number in Oklahoma are still good.

ya'll remember the opera singer that auditioned for American Idol...
get a load of this!!!!

This is terribly funny... and very awesome!

http://www.biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=3076

home safe.
for those who want to know....
here's the info:
http://www.broussardsmortuary.com/services.asp?page=odetail&id=4216

Monday, around 5pm: 72 degrees and sunny
Tuesday, around 5pm: 33 degrees, rainy, with a few VERY small snow flurries
Wednesday, around 7:30am: 26 degrees and it apparently snowed last night
Wednesday, projected for the afternoon: 48 degrees and sunny

And I thought Texas weather was screwed up!!!

I yoinked these from limen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InmLwpX6g6M&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9r7DYUlDuoM&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaLqr5XqUCo&mode=related&search=

there are SO many more of these on YouTube.

ya'll know me... I LOVE hugs.
but this hit home with me,
in a way it hasn't before.

Hug someone you care about every day.
and try to reach out to someone who is not one fo your close friends every day.
think about how much better the world would be if we all did it.

limen posting about it has impacted my life.
think about how a hug could impact someone else's.

I guarantee you I will be hugging many people tonight...
friends and family... an acquaintance or two... and a stranger.

well, we open tonight.

This morning we made the paper:
http://www.theeagle.com/stories/061407/entertainment_20070614019.php

am I dead yet?
'cause I sure as hell feel like it!

I got the most awesome compliment last weekend.
"are you a dancer?"/"you look like a dancer"
this from my realtor lady the second day we looked at houses.
apparently my profile and the way I move still looks like that of a dancer.
I'm not quite sure why this tickles me so much, but it does.
I guess it's because I love dancing so much.

I got a great compliment yesterday from a good friend.
you know... the "have you been losing weight?" compliment...
I most decidedly have not been losing weight (though I will be soon)
and got the "whatever you're doing it works" compliment.
it's a nice feeling.

I need to do more of both... dancing and losing weight.
all things in their time.

Last night:
1 hour of treadmill, 4.4 speed, 8% incline.
10 min of elliptical... 5 min going forward, 5 min going backward
20 min of bike, level 3, speed ~20.

Tonight's goal:
1 hour of treadmill, same intensity.
full weight routine

I yonked this from bs_catch_22's myspace. It made me giggle....


( Texas, my Texas )

well, I'm finally back in Texas...
safely at my apartment.

the cat is definitely happy to see me.

no more icy roads and crazy drivers.
I thought cold rain was bad...
damn, ice sucks!

but on the plus side,
I got a great vacation out of it
and more time to spend in OKC
with my honey.

That's twice.

yep, it's true... I'm a quarter now. :)
this is a non-friends locked post...
the first in a long while. :)
everyone have a great day.

my mind is a montage of many moments.
moments of clarity;
moments of confusion.
ponderings prowl and possess some moments.
ponderings of memories;
ponderings of new ideas.
thoughts and theories twisting through these moments.
theories of how things are;
theories of how things should be.
moments vibrating visions into view.
visions of the future;
visions of now;
visions of then.
moments and visions manically vacillating.

most of you know that my cousin Justin and I grew up together...
more like brother and sister rather than cousins.
and his wonderful wife, Laura, is pregnant with their first child,
and the first child of the next generation of my mom's side of the family
(well, in my entire family to be truthful).
I get to be an aunt soon!
and as of yesterday,
Laura is officially one centimeter dilated!
The docs are starting the process next Wednesday...
and in two weeks, Laura and Justin will have a beautiful baby girl
and I'll have my first niece!
I'm so excited!

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MUSTACHE

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive
from each salad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
(Since Venus is normally associated with women,what does this tell you!)

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
So did the first "Marlboro Man."

Walt Disney was afraid of MICE!

PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!

The three most valuable brand names on earth:
Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from
a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters
from the word "criminal."
The second?
William Jefferson Clinton

And the best for last.....
Turtles can breathe through their butts. (I know some people like that, don't YOU?)

so the weekend was all kinds of fun.
I went to the Requiem game on Friday night
and left a little early cause I was tired.

Saturday, one of my childhood friends that I haven't seen in 6 years came up.
we spent the afternoon catching up and chatting... over a bottle of wine.
a lot has happened in our lives...
we still love each other like we always have,
but we are learning who each other is now.
it's like old times and meeting a new friend all at the same time.
cas6708 joined us for dinner.
oddly enough, one of cas6708's friends from out of town was in for a visit.
the boys were super cool and took us out with them.
While the boys ran the pool table,
Chrissy and I took over the shuffle board table.
we used to play all the time as kids
on a very warped table...
this was no different.
we had a ton of fun trying to out smart the table
and even had a group of guys hit on us and want to take us .
good times.
then it was back to cas6708's house for some Texas Hold 'Em.
I won the first round... and had a chance at the second round,
but let it go in favor of trying to get the whole group back in the game
(sitting around and watching 2 people play is no fun,
I'm usually part of the group watching because I lose a lot...
which, oddly, wasn't the case this time).
Lots of laughter and fun.
We stayed up til 5am
and then slept in on Sunday.

Chrissy and I chatted a bit more before she left...
this will definitely be happening more often.
Sunday night hung out with cas6708 and limen
at shadow73 and cheez_ball's house.
absolutely fabulous dinner and viewing of Transporter 2.

well, here we are at the beginning of a new year.
I survived the holidays
and my crazy family (I love them, I really do).
I'm safely back in town
and back at work.
I hope this finds everyone safe and happy.
here's to the future and the unknown...
here's to hope...
here's to being alive...
here's to who we were, who we are, and who we will be...

many of you have probably seen this... I had to share...

( Pillsbury Doughboy )

I have a trash can!!!!
it's like Christmas early!
ok, so not really....
but I do have a trash can now, which is neat-o!
it's starting to feel more and more like a job and normal life.
I'm starting to understand more and more...
course it helps that I spend most of my day online looking through our websites.

last night was crazy for many different reasons,
which led to very little sleep.
on the plus side, I found my lost friend.
BIG relief!
and now I have ren faire to look forward to.
I'm really excited about seeing the crew
and the camping crew...
many many good friends!

to the bat cave!!!!
nanners!
man who stand on toilet is high on pot!
I've got a love bunch of coconuts!
I'm Henry the 8th, I am!
I am the egg man; I am the walrus; coo-coo-ka-choo!

sleep dep + stress = crazy jess

so Queen of the Damned is on tv.... every time I see that movie, it makes me horny. it's a pretty movie, it's sexual, it's mysterious... plus it has good music in it, which makes me want to dance. and of course, those of you who have seen me dance know that dancing is very sexual for me.

I need a good make out session.